Monday, May 21, 2012

I wrote this post on Thursday, the day Mason & Gavin left town for a few days. Being that I was alone in Lethbridge, I decided to put off publishing it until they were back, just for my own security!


Today my boys left me for a long weekend. Four days without them! Today is only day one, and it hasn’t been 12 hours since they left, but it feels very strange.

Before I was a mom, I definitely didn’t realize how central my boys would be to my life. Before I was a mom, I spent time living alone and I loved it; I really cherished that time by myself, but when Gavin came into my life I barely looked back to reflect on what that felt like.

Ever since then, I have had one of my guys with me almost every single day! The longest time I was away from Gavin was for 3 or 4 days, but Mason was with me and when I was away from Mason, Gavin was there. The only other time I was away from them both, I was with my mom & sister.

Today I am alone.
And it feels very strange.

I went to work this morning and when I finished, there was nobody to pick up from daycare. No excited “Mommy!” called as soon as he saw me, like he hadn’t seen me in a week (when it’s only ever 8 hours). Nobody to cook supper for. No play time, or 7:30 bed time to prepare for. There was no listening for keys in the door when Mason finished work. The apartment was quiet. As a firetruck drove past the apartment, sirens blaring, there was nobody to run to the window and watch excitedly as it drove by.

And in that moment, as the fire truck sped past my window it hit me: being alone just isn’t the same anymore.

Sure, I’ll still probably find the time to turn on some loud music and dance around because nobody is watching, maybe rent some movies nobody else in my house would appreciate, or whatever, but it’s not the same. Something is missing.

Motherhood is the end of independence because even when you are enjoying a quiet moment alone, there is still an acute awareness that you’re missing a little piece of your heart.

1 wonderful comments:

Sarah @ Scissors and a Whisk said...

Awww what a sweet post, Erica <333