A Personal Story, part 4

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I spent the first three months of 2008 living like a single 19 year old. I drank a lot of alcohol, did a little bit of other stuff and enjoyed the attention I got from guys. Mason and I hung out sometimes, until April 2008 when I opened up the lines of communication with J again. Somehow I let myself fall in the same trap all over. This time, my family didn't pretend to be ok with it. They didn't actively try to stop me from doing something that was totally my own choice, but they were honest about their feelings. The relationship worked well for a couple weeks, and then it deteriorated quickly. He couldn't come to terms with the ways I had expressed my freedom in the months that we were broken up and he finally decided to stop trying at the end of May. I was upset, but instead of taking it badly I decided to use it to my advantage.
January-April 2008 in a nutshell
In the few weeks that we had been back together, I had taken a step back from the crazy party lifestyle that I had been into in the previous months. I had also had to come to terms with some things I had done, and I started to be honest about them. I know I haven't really mentioned this yet, but it was a theme for me throughout my teen years. I was a liar. I found it much easier to do bad things that I wanted to do and then lie about it, than to tell the truth or do good things. I became a pretty good liar, but even good liars get caught eventually. Beginning in April 2008, I started on the road to honesty.

April 2008
So on May 30th, 2008, I decided I wanted to start taking care of myself. That meant being independent from guys altogether, and having more honest relationships with everyone around me. I decided to get rid of whatever was causing me to be doubtful or distracted. I had an idea that I was a little "late" so I decided that was one thing I should clear up. My cycle wasn't the most regular and I had been late and taken a pregnancy test before (which had been negative, of course). It would be the same this time, but the ten wasted dollars would be worth the reassurance. So I rinsed the tears off my face, put on a good attitude and went to the drug store to pick up a pregnancy test. I took it home, followed the instructions and left it alone for a few minutes. I came back and picked it up.

It was positive.

to be continued...

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