Friday, September 30, 2011

Lately I've felt like I've really been lost in time. Time is flying past me faster than I can wrap my head around and I feel like I'm doing nothing with it.

It's hard to untangle my judgements about what sorts of things and how much I should be "accomplishing" from legitimate concerns in this area, which makes it more confusing. I've been trying to sort myself out of the mindset that my worth as a person is somehow based on what I do, while also trying to do things with my time that are truly worthwhile. It doesn't make any sense, does it?

Let me be more specific... I went through a phase where I felt useless if I wasn't doing something with very visible, measurable results. I wasn't expecting myself to be creating a new project every single day, but I didn't feel right if I went all week without doing something tangible (i.e. playing with Gavin all day just wouldn't be enough). That is obviously the wrong way to be thinking about things. It creates a sort of lose-lose situation where I feel crappy about not "doing" things, or I feel crappy about not being engaged enough with my family. Boo.

However, on the other side of the coin, I've been spending a lot of time lately on the computer. Seriously, I stare at the screen and time zooms by. I get sick of it, walk away, then walk back because there's just "one more thing" that I need to do. So instead of writing blog posts, sewing, or reading my textbooks, I just stare at the screen and the only thing I manage to do is pass time. I have nothing to show (physically, spiritually, or any other way) for the time I spend.

So I'm not saying that there is going to be less of me here, but rather that there will be less of me in all other realms of computerland. Less reading a zillion other blogs, less pointless searching, less useless facebooking. More doing what needs to be done and then getting out. More interest in my own writing and creativity than that on Pinterest.

I feel like I'm repeating myself. Haven't I said this before? Then again, growth is constant... Right?

1 wonderful comments:

Mom said...

I've learned that in life, you go through periods of great accomplishments and other periods of 'rest'. Both are healthy. Enjoy them. Luv ya.